Dating is a pain in the butt sometimes, I'll admit it. No matter how good at it you are it is still a process of sorting out the idiots from the keepers. Whether you are looking for something casual or serious, it is all about keeping your dating queue full. Handling rejection becomes part of the process but I admit I still get down when things don't work out. It even bumms me out when a woman I wasn't even that interested in won't return my calls. It is all to easy to crawl back under a rock and play too much world of warcraft instead of getting myself out again.
Here are some of my strategies to keep myself confident and in a great mood to date and meet more women:
Be Busy!
One of the worst things for your confidence is sitting home alone making excuses for why you aren't happy. I find if I have more than a couple evenings a week where I am just having "me" time, my social circle starts shrinking and I get more depressed. The busier I am usually the better I am at planning outings and staying connected with friends.
Start planning regular nights you go take a class or go do a new hobby. Not only will you meet new people, trying new things always builds confidence faster than just about anything. When you go do something send out a mass text inviting people. Even if no one shows invitations are just banking social karma. You will get more invitations the more you make.
Have a back-up plan.
Nothing gets me worse than a last minute cancellation. Then I am stuck with a whole evening that I got ready to go out and I end up sitting home watching movies. Don't let some stupid flake ruin your vibe, send out the last minute calls to see what friends are doing. Also try to find one regular event on each night of the week that you can use as a back up plan. Here in San francisco I can find a salsa class on every night of the week, as well as classes at my gym, martial arts studio, indy film theater, comedy clubs, music venues, and even museums. Make some calls and if no one is in, make yourself go anyway!
Get the phone number... from him!
Single women aren't the only people you want to get phone numbers from. Don't forget to exchange contact info with cool guys, couples, and even women in relationships. Building a strong social circle is key to being happy and confident. Add them to your mass invites and soon you might find yourself pleasantly surprised when their cute single friends start showing up too.
Get Your Conversational Skills Warmed Up.
Getting in a good mood to go out and meet people is a crucial element to being on your game. Get a pre-outing routine like listening to your favorite music or listening to a good comic to amp you up. Call a couple buddies to join you and even if they don't they will get you talking.
Start off easy!
Don't just go walk up to the hottest girl you see the moment you get there. Start off easy and go talk to some friendly people. One of the best ways I've found to get myself on the right track (even if I've just been shot down a few times) is to go find a couple of the wall flower guys standing in the corner. Ask them as an opener "Hey guys, how's your luck with the ladies tonight?" First off they will know you are not gay, secondly their luck will likely be more pathetic than yours. Giving someone else encouragement often gets you in a better mood than you could imagine.
The other benefit of this is that the guys you meet will likely still be sitting there and you can use them as a comfortable place to come back to when you are done talking with another group. Maybe even try to introduce some new people to them and you will all of a sudden be the guy that knows everyone!
Don't Crawl Back Under Your Rock!
I talk to so many guys who are having trouble and are discouraged with their dating success and in reality it boils down to one thing. They get a bit of rejection or have a bad date/interaction and instead of picking themselves back up and get back out there they sulk. There is no confidence under that rock of yours! Come out and force yourself to get out and be more social.
Seeing Science Everywhere
11 years ago
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